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Documentary filmmakers don't usually get the run of establishments within the Mountbatten-Windsor Hotel Group, but after getting involved in an illegal tax scheme to fund his latest film, Chris Atkins was invited for a five-year stay. The first nine months were spent in HMP Wandsworth, which is probably the oldest, largest and most dysfunctional prison in Europe.
The first thing which struck Atkins when he arrived at Wandsworth was the assault on the senses of the noise: nothing prepared him for this. The second was that the prisoners in Wandsworth didn't resemble the ones he'd seen in films and on television. ''They'' were tanned and fit: Atkins' fellow prisoners were pale and generally unhealthy. Prisoners (or ‘'men'' as an edict said that they were to be called) were supposed to be allowed out of the cells for exercise, but this depended on the availability and goodwill of the prison officers. Atkins had the misfortune of being sent down in 2016 in the midst of the worst prison crisis in history. A shortage of staff meant that prisoners had to spend more time locked in their cells: this created more mental health problems and more violence, which with unbending circularity meant that prisoners had to spend more time locked in their cells.
Why would teetotal Muslims join Alcoholics Annonymous? Well, it got them out of their cells for an hour. Why was there a rush to sign up for as many different religions as possible? For exactly the same reason.

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