View source for Single, Again, and Again, and Again by Louisa Pateman

{{infobox1
|title=Single, Again, and Again, and Again
|author=Louisa Pateman
|reviewer=Sue Magee
|genre=Autobiography
|summary=Louisa Pateman was brought up to believe that she should get married and have a family.  What do you do when that just isn't working out?  An excellent, thought-provoking read and every parent of a young girl should read it ''before'' a bias develops.
|rating=4.5
|buy=Yes
|borrow=Yes
|pages=224
|publisher=Balboa Press
|date=April 2020
|isbn=978-1504321389
|website=https://www.louisapateman.com/
|cover=1504321383
|aznuk=1504321383
|aznus=1504321383
}}

''You can't be happy and fulfilled on your own.  You are not complete until you find a man''.

This was what Louisa Pateman was brought up to believe.  It wasn't unkind: it was simply the adults in her life advising her as to what they thought would be best for her.  It was reinforced by all those fairy tales where the girl (she's usually fairly young) is rescued by the handsome prince who then marries her so that they can live happily ever after.  Few girls are lucky enough to be brought up ''without'' the expectation that they will marry and have children.  It was a belief and it would be many years before Louisa would conclude that ''a belief is a choice''.

Louisa approached her life 'professionally'.  She's a civil engineer by profession and she planned her life in exactly the same way that she did her work.  She had a life plan.  She would eventually have eight of them as age caught up with her, slimmed down the time which was available for engagements and finally the order of having children and getting married had to be adjusted.  She wasn't giving up, though - this mattered.

There were standards to be maintained: Louisa wanted a soulmate and compromise wasn't on the cards.  She had a list of requirements: it seemed cold and emotionless.  Her late aunt had told her to fall in love first and sort the rest out later, but Louisa felt that her way gave her control over her destiny.

There was Ross (he wanted to 'experience other women'), Jim (the spark just wasn't there), David (the relationship lacked intimacy), Liam (a casual, platonic relationship), Hugh (who wanted to talk about his last relationship - with Annabel - but then said that he wasn't over Kirstin), Dan (who described himself as ''bacheloring it at the moment'': Louisa should have enquired further as to ''exactly'' what that meant), Trent (known for 'the overlap') and Don (whose statement that he was separated from his wife would also have stood closer examination).  There was an engagement - to Alan - but Louisa walked away from that one and a relationship with Gary, who became known as 'the towel guy' - you'll have to read the book to find out what that was all about.

Louisa finally caught a dreadful disease: SWC35+.  That's being a single woman without children and over the age of 35.  She had to revise her plans one final time.

I picked this book up just before lunch.  As a reviewer, I need to see how much time I will need to read a book and develop a plan for the work to upload the review.  Four hours later I'd finished it.  I'll confess that I was expecting the book to be a pity party and that I'd be reading about how badly-done-by our author was, but there's not a bit of that.  Pateman brings her boyfriends and her women friends brilliantly to life and I never had any difficulty in distinguishing one from the other.  She also has a real talent for locations: Pateman is a seasoned traveller and she needs remarkably few words to bring a place off the page.  There were places I knew well and her descriptions were so accurate that I had complete confidence about the places I'd never visited.

This isn't just a linear account of Pateman's dating life: she's thought-provoking on how girls are brought up to believe that they are somehow ''less'' if they do not have a man in their lives.  Well into the twenty-first century it should not be so and I'd like to thank the publisher for letting Bookbag have a review copy of the book.  It was a rare treat!  It's an excellent, thought-provoking read and every parent of a young girl should read it ''before'' a bias develops.

After you've read ''Single, Again, and Again, and Again...'' you might need to have a look at [[Precious Babies: Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting after Infertility by Kate Brian]].  Yes - I know that's a bit of a spoiler.  You might also appreciate [[Real Life: One Woman's Guide to Love, Men and Other Everyday Disasters by Melissa Kite]] and [[Breaking Up Blues by Denise Cullington]].  If you want your daughters to start off the right way then they should begin with [[The Old Woman from Friuli by Ghillian Potts and Ed Boxall]].

You can read more about Louisa Louisa Pateman [[:Category: Louisa Pateman|here]].

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