Changes

|title=I Kick Therefore I am: The Little Book of Premier League Wisdom

|author=Alan Tyers and Beach

|publisher=Bloomsbury

|date=August 2012

|summary=The little red book of thoughts of a modern-day footballer, that is so much more interesting in this spoof form than the real thing.

}}

You remember Ronnie Matthews, don't you? He's the footballer who celebrated his one – and so far, only – international match by booing his way through the Faroe Islands' national anthem, then getting a red card for chatting up the lineswoman. He still thinks he contributed well to a vital friendly, however. He's the player whose career in piddling his way through continuously lesser and lesser clubs for far too long has only been matched in the recent game by Steve Claridge. And still he's bucking the trend – he's the only author smart enough to realise that four-hundred page, ghost-written biogs are unnecessary, for he's crammed all his life, career, philosophy and response to Twitter into an hour's read.